he still do not understand me after 4years... it was heart breaking for me to know that truth...
all i ask was for some understanding...
i went out drink... and you wanna flare up... threaten me wif smoking... =)
now den i reali know... all you wan was juz a chance to catch me drinking and so that you can smoke. u make me cry yet again...
watever i sae... u doubt my words... i cannot do all the wrong things.. i cannot do all the things u dun want me to do... if i did it... like last nite... you sae u wan to smoke...=)
how nice of you.. to treat me so well...
only u can do all the things i dun wan u to do and after that juz a sorry and expect me to forgive you... and if i did nt forgive you.. ur gonna tell me... i'm kicking up a fuss over small matters. do you know how scare and terrified i am??? wen u smoke and i dunno... i bet u know... which is why u owayz use it to threaten me...
i know u dun mind even if we break as u can find your own comfort from your workplace de frens and ur classmates and everybody excluding me. i noe u haf alwayz leave me out of ur life circle.. i understand... u give all ur 110% attention to dem.. all to dem.. but nt me.
i did my part nt to go out drink. but you did nt do your part. last nite.. i make de decision to drink again...is becuz i noe is over between us.. totally over between us... true.. even though i reali love you more den b4 love u more den i love myself... but de saying of loving others is easy.. but being loved back is difficult.. i noe u owayz tell me u love me... but why can't u juz show it thru all the little things u do in everyday life? why can't u juz show it to me like how u will show ur concern to others...?
how i wish u did not let me out last nite... but as i haf expected... u let me out... i wanted to find u...but somethings is holdin me back... =...(
is it so sad to love me thru ur course of actions den juz ur words? i can gif up everything juz to love u and wans u to be happy... but why cant u do tt? i noe u will tell me.. we are 2 different people... but is all my time on u being wasted? or is dis reali a one sided love? i dun ask for much.. onli ask for u nt to smoke and to love me back... if tt is so difficult... i reali dunno wat to sae... dunno wat to look and ask for in a relationship anymore... i sae b4... after u... there will not be another guy in my life... i noe u dun believe... but i mean it... becuz i'm paranoid about the hurt the a relaionship might inflict on me again...
wen ur in the wrong... u dun sae sorry. until after we quarrel.. makes me feel as if i insist and force u to apologise to me...i juz wish to spend my time all wif u... but u wouldn't gif me...
like u sae... dis is nt the ending u haf expected wen u and i first started.. i did nt even thot of such endings...=(
but sadly and truely... it reali is like tt.. i already forgive u for i dunno how many times. and if dis time. u dun tink u haf hurt me.. is ok... =...) if we are fated, we will still be together.. i believe in fate and destiny... wen my rings fit on ur finger.. i'm truely delighted... reali...
the first time i'm drunk... i told u is bcuz i'm disappointed in you...
the second time i'm drunk... tat is last nite...is bcuz i haf reali given up hope on u being good to me and stop using smoking to threaten me...
the third time i'm drunk... is gonna be the last time i reali forgive u...
if there's a fourth time... even though i dun wish to end... but we reali haf to...unless there's a miracle...
i pray to the stars and angels above... to make us last... i pray to all de gods and goddess that ever exist... that u will ever understand me...that u will nt smoke... and love me. i hope al dis wishes comes true. because... i'm reali reali veri terrified..=....(