lotsa tings happen ever since i finish schoolin weeks ago.
dunno where to start too.
firstly: my bf and me haiz.. stil love and miss him but like i sae. everything have change.
secondly: great frens frm MDIS but tings turn sour due to immature tinkin of some people.
thirdly: started my job(full time) wif a heavy heart.
fourthly: if not for few great frens i wun survive de past few weeks.
fifthly: i'm running away from reality. hiding myself frm the facts. on de surface i seem alright. but in actualy fact i'm ruined and dead.
sixth: is reali tiring to carry on like that to wait wen he dun appreaciate and even smoke in front of me. even thou i dun reali mind now but stil i prefer if he doesnt smoke. cuz it hurts me alot to know he is ruining his health and i cant say or do anything.
seven: my feelings cant be express in words anymore.
eighth: job scope increasing tremdously. mentally tired everyday. schooling life is better. and i miss it alot.
nine: money is nv enuf. lotsa time to miss and tink of him. even thou he change back to who he used to be but it realii hurts me to see him like tt. becuz tt wasn't suppose to be him. i am cryin bcuz of how he smokes to harm his health.
tenth: i'm able to support myself financially and i am independant now. falling down have been hard but getting up is even harder.
live for 17yrs. but haf nv felt such tings before until now. i owayz believe he will change to be better and even now he is back to smoking i still believe he noes wen to stop. i reali believe that alot. but still i am hurt and oso prepared to accept it.
seems like all of a sudden i learnt lots of tings at all and am being force to accept and deal wif it.
thanks to fren like yilin feng yu and cheryl and oso xiao tong and most importantly my dearest sister claudia..=) for their comfort and encouraging words. if not i wun be typing here. probably in de coffin by now. never haf i noe my love for him could be that strong.
i once read somewhere that ask why people can still treat each other like frenz after they broke up and these is de 2 reasons given:
1) he/she still loves the other party veri deeply
2) he/she have never love the other party in the first place
for me the reason is number 1.
for him? i dunno wat's his reason.
i once read somewhere that says aquarius are veri independent and do not show their feelings no matter how strongly they felt it. i guess is veri true cuz tt is me. and oso it did mention that aquarius do not fall in love easily but once they do they will love that person and cherish it alot. which i guess is VERY true.
and in any horoscope books that anyone can find. Aquarius and Aries are the perfect match if they can keep up wif each others flame and fire(in terms of creativity and temper) as aquarius tends to have veri short temper and are veri unique and creative. Aries are verii fast in changing their feelings for the person. that's why aquarius can capture the attention of aries for so long as they are unique.
that's why i owayz believe we are owayz the best of partners for life.. Aries&Aquaries
reali miss&love him. haiz.
FUCK sia. damn tire. today tt croatian guy damn shuai.haha nite.. droopy eyes.haha
so wat if i miss him ar..?
dun mean to put him on plane but i reali need to ot without early notice and my fone wasnt wif me at all wen i work. but den i am reali sorry for letting him to wait. and ytd i was realli reali tire. i juz sat on bed waitin for time to pass till 7.30pm b4 i go over and i started reading a book but den i oso end up dunno wen i fell asleep. i reali dun mean it ma. today nv go over cuz i wan him rest. ya i noe. is all rejections. to him all the above "reasons" are "excuses" to him which is = rejection.
i reali dun mean it ma. why muz u be so angry. on my part i reali wanna see him ma. even if he dun miss me at all. on my part i miss him like hell. but why cant he feel it. why muz he sees it in another way?
reali miss and love him. he's my heart and my soul. he's wat that keeps me going until now.
yet another day. second day of my work. learnt lots of tings but onli remeber a few of it and stil nt veri good at it. miss him like crazy. haiz. but he sae can onli patch after 4yrs. baby told me he stil love me i was over de moon and it reali gives me strength to wait for him. becuz i reali believe him that he still love me. juz that he is tire of a relationship where we quarrel almost everyday. which is true. i'm oso tire. so tink nw is de time where i learnt to appreciate him ba. and oso to *zip* my mouth wenever i can. i am tryin to be more caring and oso to be nicer to him. but dunno he gt realize anot. haiz.. even if he realize guess to him oso nt much of use now. but is ok. i dun mind. as long as he is ok healthy and happi den i am fine wif it even if he dun realize. haiz. been feeling so sorry. dis 2 days keep tellin him i wil be gg over. but ytd due to OT i cant make it. end up let him wait for nthin. I am reali sorry. and today i was early. but den he gt OT so i went hm to change and rest awhile first. but ended up i fell asleep until now. so veri sorry. reali reali sorry. actaully stil can go over nw ar. but den by the time i reach ar. wil be nearin or after 12am le. and i dun dare to walk that stretch of road cuz is dark and quiet. take cab. tink gt extra charges. but dis week. cant reali anyhw spend on cab le. if its ytd i wil jz cab dwn but den today bill come le. so need watever money i haf for it lorr. haiz. feel so guilty that i din go over sia. i am reali sorry.
reali miss&love him alot.
i miss my baby.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
reali miss him & want him back.
i want u back wif me by my side.i can gif up anything juz to be wif u.
Monday, November 19, 2007
i am reali lost without dear. i got so much to sae to him so much to tell him. dear i reali miss you.please.
reali miss&love you
Sunday, November 18, 2007
sighing
Regrets&Repented
misses
another day pass without contact.
stil missing and loving him.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
i die even without knowing how i die. wat a failure i am. i am still hoping thou i noe is reali over.
miss him.
Friday, November 16, 2007
saw it
thanks alot ya..=)
things changes over time but feelings remains
he wanna let go. i was shock sad and hurt. cuz his promise to me >> nv let u go unless u let go of me first. i believe n trust that alot. but stil. juz bcuz ur disappointed wif de relationship u let go. den does tt hint me that i am stupid to haf hold on wen i felt damn disappointed wif de relationship? we noe that we still feel for each other but i guess we are juz tire le ba... tt's why now we bcome a couple with no string attached. no responsibilities towards each other. we lead a different life while still loving each other. i dunno if u stil love me cuz u did nt reply wen i ask and i am not going to ask again. but i am sure i stil love u and is more den before. i gave u time to breath by keepin away frm u yet instead u ended up being so comfortable wif the freedom i gave u. i am stranded wif emotions overflowing. i wish to carry on wif my life.but de sudden change of relationship between us after 4 yrs is too much for me. becuz i haf owayz trusted and believe in u. even though i sae u lost my trust but deep dwn in my heart i noe i stil trust u tt 110%. tt's why i did nt give up wen i am so disappointed and pissed off.
i noe i will miss him forever and love him forever.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
tuesday bluess
i miss him... i reali do.
can u gif me an answer yet or do i stil haf to continue to wait? i dunno where i am heading now bcuz i'm lost.
i reali miss you.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
other days
the other photos will post up another day..haha too many liao..lol
aiYo.. all those photos i haf uploaded ar.. me all gt make up de..hahaha but den horr.. dun look like haf make up on leh.. lol i haf reach de highest stage of makin up..whahaha... look veri natural liao...lol
Monday, November 12, 2007
the photos are up! haha..finally!
i wanna live in fantasy
reality sucks. tt's why i love slping. come to tink of it. i am closing both my eyes all de times to wat he is doin. bcuz i juz dun wan to feel de hurt anymore. well.. dis few days. i felt that i have become stronger then before becuz i haf fallen badly once and now i am learnin to pick myself up. i believe that those who are strong will become stronger when they haf fallen once and learn how to pick demself up. i am tt now. i am stronger den b4.
i dun wanna be bothered bout relationships anymore. even though i still love prince but den i dun wanna bother anymore. i juz wanna let nature takes its own course. if it's gonna come it will come. just let it be ba...
i miss him
Sunday, November 11, 2007
things are happening too fast.
tings been goin on too fast for me man.. with juz 4 papers i finish my diploma juz like tt ytd. wth.
well. in any case.. i am still confuse and oso i gt no direction in my life. onli know to wait and to carry on my life aimlessly. was bomb wif a qns juz nw. dun even noe hw to answer sia. cuz i am nt suppose to answer tt qns at all.wth. now i am damn confuse and and pressurize can. wth. sian.
been going out wif cheryl and the rest for the past weeks. enjoy myself so thoroughly lo..haha.. took lots of photo wif shawn and cheryl...lol...ytd we even went to wild oats (WO) to chill after paper..whahaha. had lotsa fun yea..hahaha kenneth was completely drunk and shawn was good for a first timer..though can see he felt giddy..whahaha de rest of us was ok lo..haiYo... especially me and cheryl lar.. we are so sian lo. everyone was high except de both of us even thou we consume de most..whahaha. i was stil wide awake can.hahaha but damn bored lar..haha shld haf juz let myself get drunk man..hahaha but de after effect will be bad thou..haha the hangovers tt i haf to endure IF i'm drunk..whahaha.. tink of it i rather be awake..lol. i am broke lo.. ke lian me..hahahaha. so i am starting work in 1 week time..whahaha. gt a high payin job leh..hahaha. startin at 1.6k and after 3 mths.. hehe e long awaited increment..lol incentives are oso delicious lo...hahahaha.
well.. seriously.. i dunno wat i want now. my love life is a mess. haha after 4 yrs den like tt. stupid rite..well.. but i noe one ting veri clearly now. i am in no position to like anyone else now. bcuz i am stil stuck in de middle. so people! stop pressurizing me pleaseeeee.. haiz... seriously larr.. after 4 yrs. thou he treats me like invisible now. i sure feel sad de ma. cuz all along i haf been depending on him. thou nw i am rather cash strap haha but stil i am financially independent finally.haha. sad and happi to tink of tt. haiz.. last time actaully can afford all by myself de.. but ask him buy is bcuz i reali treasure wat he gave me. and is all veri precious to me. as for all de soft toys rite. i get him to buy bcuz i can feel his presence ard me wen he is actaully VERY busy to pei me..haiz. nw ar.. same lorr. juz tt his busy ar.. is fren game and attachment liao. i am totally nt in his world lorr..haiz... sad sia. i already sad until de point tt i dun wish to tok about it anymore lorr... basically everyday juz make myself veri veri tire reach hm after resting den jiu can fall asleep le..haiYo.. sian sia.
HAIZ!!! dunno wat to do lar. stupid brain of mine. why cant ppl juz gif me a proper answer why muz sae dunno dunno and dunno as the answer. everyone tellin me dey dunno den like i know like tt. i oso nt veri clever lorr. u guys dun sae i will nv know lorr. wth. sometimes sad is sad but stil will piss of a bit de. but den horr.. seriously leh. for de past few weeks. even thou i am damn sad he noes but he dun care, i kind of like juz try to ignore tt feel of hurt lo. haiz.. try to act as if there is nthin de. so tt's why i end up nv get angry and flare up at him. sian. if he is tire of me can sae de lorr. nt as if i stupid rite. wth. I AM TIRE OF EVERYTHING LARR!!!
i miss him.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
hello
Simple 19 going 20 =)
find simplicity out of everything
whats up
Long Term Loves - SLEEPING(1st on the list) - MahJONG-ing - PhotograpHY - BAKING(DEFINITELY=D)
Short Term Loves - Studying - Working [who wants all this right? haha]
i want/i need
i want life to be simple [stupid wish]
i want money to fall from the sky [childish thinking]
i want all the luxuries without working [wishful thinking]