i said before i will wait for 4 yrs.. after watching leap yrs.. tt show make me feel even more.. what exactly is my future like after 4 yrs.. i can only know after 4 yrs.. wat will it be like after 4 yrs? i reali wonder... how will the ending be like? i'm taking a gamble. is it reali worth it? how can i be sure tt it it worth the wait? i do not noe. at the point wen i watch leap yrs. i felt damn terrible. i was so engross in de show.. i was watching it in my own world..the scene whereby tt lady waited every 4yrs is replayin in my mind almost everyday. i sae before i haf let go. but each time.. its something tt trigger tt something in my heart to let me noe i haven reali let go everything.. rite now.. no matter hw much i wanna be wif him...if given a choice to be tgther i will reject it. de reason being.. i dun wan to be his burden. i believe he can find a better one. i'm nthing but juz someone waiting for death. thou i'm nt reali bothered by the illness and onli care wen de pain acted up.. i still live life happily.. de onli ting is i dun wan to burden anyone. by sayin burdening anyone is meaning i dun wan someone to be so close to me other den my family. i dun wan dem to feel de pain my family felt wen dey saw me in pain. i saw de pain in their eyes. i dun wan anyone to face me with tt kinda pain. today my mum confess to me.. my dad suspect something is wrong wif me due to de weight tt dey haf seen me gain over a short few weeks. dey noe is not weight tt i gain.. cuz de weight gain is so unnaturally. is practically i look more bloated all over my face and body...de appearance is unnatural.. actually i dun even reali dare to look at the mirror myself. cuz i saw b4 de look and is horrible. is ugly. i haf been puttin on make up everything without fail. it is to cover up my paleness. i even keep touching up my make up during work which is something so unlike me. cuz usually i dun bother to touch up even once. today went for a light drink... i was told i look red.. which is impossible. bcuz in de toilet wen i look into de mirror.. what i saw red was de lighting shining on my cheek which is full of my blusher. wen i reach hm... i look at de mirror again under white lighting.. i look even paler den b4. hw i wish it was reali red... but is impossible. today on his car.. my pain kinda acted up for awhile and luckily tt pain was bearable.. tt's y i am able to stay compose at tt moment. nw i look at my own legs and face.. and wtf! its swelling. haiz.. all de pretty clothes and make up no matter hw well i dress..i'm nt gonna look good at all. hw i wish... i can be back to my normal self soon... hw i wish... he's dere to tell me everything's gonna be alrite... how i wish.. haiz... tt's y i owayz tell my fren.. drink more water... eat less salty food... visit de toilet if u need. this are de most basic.
and obviously.. de most imptly is i cannot get into any contact wif ppl who are having chickenpox or watever infection.. -_-" which means i cannot haf chickenpox as well.